The taboo subject that no one seems to want to talk about

[Dave Chameides]

I've been an op for a while now and it's always bothered me that there are certain subjects that just seem off limits. Over time, many of them have bubbled to the surface, especially with the introduction of the internet where it's possible to now say something without having to look others in the eye. On this board we've discussed bad operating, un-proffesional practices, undercutting and beyond, all with fair openness and frankness. I love that because it's the kind of advice and info I sought out when i first started operating and didn't know what the hell I was doing. And yet, there still seems to be one last subject that no one seems to want to talk about. I'm guessing you know what it is and while I'm certain that this is going to create some anger and resentment, I think that once it's out there, once we can confront it, we'll all be better for it and we can step up even higher as a community. So here goes.......let's hope this isn't the end of my career. I break wind in the rig.

 

There I said, it, It's out there and everyone knows. And before you judge me, before you point that gimbal grabbing finger at me and damn me to the nether regions of this board, look yourself in the mirror and ask yourself "Am I so innocent?"

 

Sure it's easy to point fingers and think that you're better than me. You know you've done it. The chimichangas looked so good the night before, and hey, what can a little mexican food hurt right? And then lunch came, and they were serving three bean salad and pasta, your favorite combo (I don't know why, just go with it ok?). And then you're back from lunch and they tell you a long 4 page SLOOOOOOWWWWWW walk and talk is up. And on take three, it hits. That slow pressure. All your pistons start firing because now you not only have to walk extremely slowly, backwards, up and down the corridors of a silent office building, remembering when to push in on the lead who always seems to stop right in front of that large window and you need to push in without seeing your reflection or the reflection of the circus behind you.....but you need to do it all while using every extra ounce of energy to push control down to your nether regions and just hold things together for a few more minutes..... It's truly exhausting and exhilerating all at the same time and you imagine this is what it must be like to hang onto the side of a cliff knowing that you can either fall and drop or pull yourself up over the top.

 

Sometimes you make it and sometimes you don't. And I'm not the only one out there. You know who you are. You've all done it. Are you gonna tell me that Larry never passed gas in the Copacabana? Come on. And rumour has it that the energy that Garrett lent to that maze stuff in The Shining is not just phenomenal design and execution, but a little extra intestinal distress that gave his operating that extra something that made it outstanding (that's just a rumour though, I'd like to make that point clear). Jimmy Muro in Point Break? Come on, no one has electric operating and control like that without a little extra help....but I'm not judging, the proof is in the pudding even if the odor is still on set. And that dude in the crazy Eurovision shot? No way he's moving that fast on purpose. He needs to get off stage people! It's as clear as day - no one is that crazy.

 

So there ya go. I've outed myself and hopefully you will to. Flame away but before you judge, be honest. Let's take this last little taboo, blow it wide open (excuse the pun) and put it out there for all to see. There's no reason to hold it in anymore (again with the pun).

 

Let's discuss.

 

With nothing but love,

 

Dave

 

P.S. Ron Baldwin, don't think for a minute I'm not expecting to hear from you!!!

[RonBaldwin]

I keep a tube inserted so it's always silent and hang one of these off the back of the vest...

 

I also find that kegel exercises are beneficial to not only holding the offending backdoor breeze inside but also keeping the tube from shooting out and injuring someone on the set (I hear a script sup lost an eye once when a certain unnamed op sneezed during a rehearsal...no names...ahem -- Charles). I recommend using rubber tubing to reduce the amount and severity of set injuries and try to practice one's aim on the weekends.

 

I suggest also doing what AD's have long ago mastered...the art of deflecting blame. A simple glance in the direction of any innocent party will often be enough to remove blame from you. Though this didn't work out so well for The Spleen:

 

[Dave Chameides]

I knew you'd go lowbrow. PLease send a link to the tubing you use.

[Benjamin Treplin]

It's the same with divers. There are two kind, the one who pee in the wetsuit and the one who don't admit.

[JobScholtze]

Oh god, i farted from reading this and spilled my coffee

[Alan Rencher]

Quiet suspenseful scenes and show creeps...

[Michael Desiderio]

Paging Kyle Fasanella to the thread

[Dan Ayers]

I just use these.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/10/24/fart-filtering-underwear_n_4156400.html?utm_hp_ref=email_share

[Eric Fletcher S.O.C.]

Dave,

 

Next time raise the difficulty factor with the unpredictable modifier of FOOD POISONING. Yes that's right will that wet burrito be dry? Will picking the rig off the dock be a code brown moment?

 

This is a game that Baldwin has us all beat at.

 

 

 

[RonBaldwin]

Dave...this roll should last at least a month or so

 

http://www.amazon.com/Latex-Rubber-Surgical-Tubing-39323932/dp/B0045V36PQ

[William Demeritt]

Wow, old men sure are gassy.

[Robert Starling SOC]

Will is obviously in denial. Be brave Will, admit you have a problem and join a 13 Fart program in your area.

 

Or maybe all that Lisigav is masking things?

[matthew pearce]

Dan, you beat me to it.

[matthew pearce]

I like to leave a stand outside so , if neccesary, I can step outside and "balance the rig"

[Jessica Lopez]

I'll admit it again, like I did before. I've let a few ones loose too. But hey, mine smell like fresh roses! Benefits of being the opposite sex! :D